I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
