I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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