During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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