you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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