First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
