I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
