Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
