Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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