you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
