I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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