Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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