I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
