I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
