so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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