I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
