Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
