I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
