I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
