When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's just like the Real World with babies
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
