The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
