DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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