So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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