I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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