its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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