I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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