You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
