worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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