Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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