I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
