I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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