he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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