I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
