dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
