We're facebook friends in real life
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
