Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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