if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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