that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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