Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
