Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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