He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
