Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
