why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
