booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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