Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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