Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
