What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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