they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
