Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
