you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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