I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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