yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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