Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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