evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
