today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
