Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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