Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
