You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
