Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
someone owes me an orgasm
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
