I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
