Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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