Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
