i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
