Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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