just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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