Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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