The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
