and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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