I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
