first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
