If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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