o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bring me that man meat
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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