My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
