All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
