thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sobbing to NWA
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
