Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
