Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
