I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am available for nakedness
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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