So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
