we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
