I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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