We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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