Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
