I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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