Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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