Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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