New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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