I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
