I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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