At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize