The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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