pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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