i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
