1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
